She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
