You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize