She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just pee around me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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