we're blogging at a bar
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
