It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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