Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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