yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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