Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
