I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
