Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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