Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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