We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize