Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my poor anus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
