he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
