I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
