I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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