cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
