Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
