so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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