I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize