Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
