Umm I'm too high to move.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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