I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
