i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
