Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
