My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
