Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
