The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
