i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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