Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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