in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
