btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
