somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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