she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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