If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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