the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize