Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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