Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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