yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
