Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
