Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
