I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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