I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
