his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
