i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
