I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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