I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish you could order shots online.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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