i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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