I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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