i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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