Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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