Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize