i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
