I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
