Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
