Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
