We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize