i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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