i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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