i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
