Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
