i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
