If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
