My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
