Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
