clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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