standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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