I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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