shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
