I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
