she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
