It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
