I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
