Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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