I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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