If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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