my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
