Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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