I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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