she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
