it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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