carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
