direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
