I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
