The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
