TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This house was built for laser tag.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
