Little spoons don't ask big questions
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize