im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He has the fingertips of a God
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