So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
