Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize