her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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