So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
