I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize