a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
