I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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