Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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