If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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