Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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